Breaking Dawn. A Conversation. With Myself.

So. I got Breaking Dawn around the time it came out and read a large portion of it in a pretty short period of time. But when I got to the "simple" necklace with the diamond the size of a golf ball on page 532, I put the book down and didn't pick it up again for a solid two months. (Not that the necklace was by any means the most frustrating thing. Not by a half. In fact, I have a fairly hefty rant stored in my mental files. But we'll get to that later.) I picked it up this morning in an attempt to delay the inevitable studying, and ended up finishing it. At that point I thought: Man. I can't review this book. It's just too ridiculous.

But I can record the conversation that took place between pre- and post-Breaking Dawn me. Here goes...

Pre-Breaking Dawn Rae: Edward or Jacob?
Post-Breaking Dawn Rae: Garrett. Fo' shiz.

Pre: Werewolves are awesome.
Post: Werewolves aren't werewolves... WTF?!

Pre: It's kinda stupid that Jacob is in love with Bella.
Post: OH MY GOD. MEYER YOU LOSE. OF ALL THE COP-OUTS IN ALL THE WORLD...

Pre: Bella Swan is kind of a boring name.
Post: Renesmee? Really?

Pre: Bella should get a personality.
Post: Never mind. If personality means "masochistic, sex-crazed maniac".*

Pre: Oatmeal-coloured turtleneck sweaters (or whatever) are not attractive on anybody. Not even Edward Cullen.
Post: Did he just say that denim has its own scent? Oi.

Pre: I wonder how Bella will be as a vampire...
Post: Oh. Okay. It's Bella. But h4wtt3r.

Pre: Epic battle?
Post: Nope.

Pre: Please?
Post: Nope.

Pre: Why?
Post: I haven't the foggiest notion. Maybe Stephanie Meyer just couldn't bear to pull a Rowling. So instead of a bunch of important characters dying... none. of. them. did. And they all lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

Huzzah.

Anyway.

I was never a fangirl. I sported no t-shirts. I stalked no forums. I never had a screen name along the lines of mrsedwardcullen447, nor did I ever write any such thing on my binder and encircle it with a heart drawn in my own blood in hopes that Edward--fictional character though he is--would be tantalized by the scent(Oh god... can you imagine?).

But I liked the series, in my own way. Had sort of a love-hate relationship with it, I guess. So I was never a Twilight Saga cynic, either. Until I read Breaking Dawn and came to the depressing realization that the books were a best-selling tribute to many things that I am heartily against.

That's all for now. Sleep beckons.

Conversationally yours...

*rant to follow within the general realm of someday